Not Looking for anything

It started on the inner plane, as I found myself facing the wardrobe in a weird altered state, not ‘knowing’ which clothes I would pick, how they would shape my day. I sat in meditation twice a day for twenty minutes lately, and the effect it was having pulled me so far out of normal everyday reality, that it was time to move from the home I had grown up in.
I sat on the beach now, for hours at a time, if not on the cement near my letterbox, reaching the infinite, and unable to connect to old paths, people from a different life I had left behind.
I painted, I conjured up ways to have money at my finger tips, but mostly I just rested in silence and allowed the great unknown to move through me.
The heart shifted, a fullness entered - where there had once been anxiety and mistrust of the outside world, I no longer lived in fear.
Somewhere deep inside I took courage to say no to things that didn’t feel right to me right now. I went into silence, and began to play with long range focus – would I be somewhere else in a few months time?
The ticket booked, I sat on the plane. Nowhere to go, and yet, carried by fortune, the body was being transported to a different place, a different reality, as truth made itself known.
The smells of the night overtook me as I walked out with the luggage trolley into the sea of waiting faces. In a taxi, feeling joy and excitement to be here, in India, my home from other lives. It carried me forward, into the feeling as I lay in bed that first night, sensing the unknowable.
This was 2002.
Seven years later, the journey has been rich and continues to unfold. What was ‘I looking for? What was there to find? Only that nothingness which carried me onwards from the beginning. Only this. Only this.